Kung Fu Kitten

So, took some of my well mannered and socially integrated rapscallions to the movies on friday night, opening night of Pirates…. the place was utterly stowed out with kids and families and sad adults like myself who go just for Johnny…

I was quite excited about this film, the hype around it has been electric over the past year with it being filmed back to back with the 3rd one (out later in the year). I felt that if the format and jauntiness of the first film was adhered by then all would go well and there would be a feast of hilarity, CGI and eye candy…..oh how wrong I was!  Plus, I only got to see the first 45 minutes of it due to the boys quoting it as ‘Sh*te’ leaving and refusing to go back into the cinema…grrrrrr!

To be honest though, I wasn’t all that bothered about leaving early.  The plot line is very basic and about as loose as it can get; Jack Sparrow is marked by a curse (wow really?!? that’s new!) and has to get 100 souls for Davey Jones otherwise he and the Black Pearl will be destroyed by the Kracken.  The other running story is that Elizabeth and Will are going to end up hung at the gallows for helping Jack in the first movie.  In order to stop this they must get Jack’s compus and give it to the dude who wants to do the hanging!  Ho ho!  I bet you’re thinking you’re in a for a ride!

Keira looked like a broom handle with a mop head, (at one point she pretends to be a man….yeah, a broom handle wearing men’s clothes, a girly hat and speaking in a overly posh English accent at girly frequencies…..yeah convincing….would rather have seen her keel hauled or fall down a passing drain…the entertainment value from that alone would have had mileage).  Poor Orlando was a large plank of wood wearing clothes….his lines were unconvincing and amateurish….and to top it all off, Johnny was far more camp than the first time around, which lead me to believe he was now definetly into same sex relations.  That was disappointing…it isn’t like Johnny to over do his character, but he did.  It is more like him to hold an entire film up on his shoulders…..I hope that I can blame it on the direction he received.  It was waaaay too hammy for my liking….and from the outset there weren’t as many laughs or mind boggling, pop corn spitting, Jack Sparrow moments to make ones side split.  I’m afraid the magic of the first film has been lost.

On the other hand from what I saw of Davey Jones, his crew and the mighty Kracken…it looked as though it could recover on CGI intervention alone….I will never find out….well not in the near future anways, as I have no intention of going back to see it just for the end.  DOn’t know if I could endure the first gruelling 45 minutes again…..